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Welcome to my Suju lifeee
Yuliant Joanne Ivan Ryo Tan Tingyuan!
Seventeen since 10th July 2010!
Singapore Polytechnic Mass Comm Year 1!
Ex-St Nickolodean!

Loves <3
Fernando Torres!
Justin Bieber!
Big Time Rush - Logan&Kendall&James!
The Wanted - Nathan&Siva&Jay!
Anthony Neely!
Jay Chou!
KPop!
Super Junior 15-strong!
Kibum!
Kyuhyun!
Hankyung!
Eunhyuk!
Eeteuk!
Henry!
Siwon!
Donghae!
Kangin!
SHINee - Minho&Taemin&Key!
SHINee Ring Ding Dong&Hello&Lucifer!
SNSD - Taeyeon&Hyoyeon&Seohyun&Tiffany&Yoona!
SNSD Run Devil Run&Oh&Gee&Genie&Hoot!
fx - Amber!
miss A - Fei&Suzy&Jia!
2PM - Nickhun&Junsu!

I wish I wish for all these,
Super Show 4!
A true prince who knows how to treat me right!
A bouquet of roses from you to me!
Pictures everywhere of you&me!
An awesome GPA grade (4.0 pls)!
To be on normal talking terms with Mum!

I'm just a click away, baby
When I'm bored, click here
Archives
Credits
22nd today.



I hope you are fine.

I am trying to picture you smiling right now.

I always have this urge to talk to you on MSN or even call you.
I wanna know how you are.
I wanna know that you are okay.
I wanna cry to you how bad I felt for this whole week, but then I know if I cry, you won't be fine anymore.
I wanna ask you straight if you ever did miss me since we both separated.
I just wanna talk to you so bad.

But then,
I know I have to curb myself.
It's hard, but I'll try.

It's 22nd today.
4th month,
no longer.

It's so ironic that I've marked out all our monthsary dates on my calender,
and the only thing now is that you are no longer with me.

Haishhh.

My dear loser,
I hope you will get the white guitar you want soon,
and play the guitar awesomely well.
I wish I could be there when you do so.
I wish that you would play Taylor Swift songs.
I wish I was the one you will be playing for.


Wishful thinking much.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 , 2:45 AM
Imy.
You know I'm always here for you.

Always, and I mean it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011 , 8:56 PM
I miss you,
I still see what you tweet.
I still see what you Facebook.
I still see what you blog.

This is so totally not gonna help me get over you.

Well yeah,
duhh I still care.

I mean,
3 months plus of feelings.

And now I'm regretting.
I should have just waited for you to talk to me about the breakup on Wednesday noon.
I think I pretty much don't mind crying like fuck in school since at least I still will be able to get to see you.
Having you to say it on MSN,
now I no longer see you.

Tingyuan, way to go man.

Now, go drown in your own self-misery.
Go drink till you die.
Go cut till your blood run dry.
No one's ever gonna care about you.
You are now alone.
HAHAHAHA IN YOUR FACE TAN TINGYUAN!


I feel like a loser,
but I wanna say I miss you.

Even though I know you don't,
please still do remember the happy times we had together.

Norman,
I love you.
Thank you for everything.




/When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie.

, 2:32 AM
I'm facing this world alone now.
So yeah.
I broke up with Norman.
15th Februry 2011.

I hate 15 Febs.
People always leave me on this day.
My Ahma, and then you.
Maybe even Blacky.

Looking through the MSN conversation again and again.
I'm speechless.

Maybe it's really my fault that I kept on using the word 'whatever'.
But,
I have always been saying it,
and to be truthful,
for you,
I had already tried to curb myself from using that word.

But yeah.

And you said I can't make up my mind.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't make up my mind whenever you asked me what I want for dinner.
I'm sorry.

I always wanted a man to help me make the choice.
So yeah.

I didn't know you had made up your mind throughout CNY to break up with me.
So throughout a festive season,
you could only think of breaking up?

I think it's time to rant.
You said you aren't the sweetest, romantic or (iforgotwhatyousay) boyfriend.
Yeah.
I totally could understand when you couldn't spend Xmas, New Year or even our 3rd month with me.
You had to study since it was the final lap.
I was really lonely and I missed you so bad.
Went out during festive seasons and seeing happy couples together just made me jealous.
But I told myself I had to understand you and endure.
And I kept on doing that,
till I was pretty numb to it.
And I had to ask you all the time whether we could meet or not.
Throughout this whole r/s, you've only asked me out 3 times.
No, I'm not complaining or what.
I just felt like some superglue and everyday I wished that you would open your mouth and ask me first.

But I'm thankful for the times you walked me home after school.
And sometimes even helping me to carry my bag.
I really appreciated it (:

I was really proud and happy to have been able to call you mine for 3plus months.
It was just one more week to our 4th month.

I don't know what to think right now.
It's just you, you and you in my mind.
All those stuff we did,
all the places we went.
Walking back home everyday just kills.
Every part of the road,
I will remember every single detail of what we did.
And I cry when I reach that certain spot.
That spot when we first kissed.

And I bet you are just happily living your life right now.
Cos from what I see,
you ain't even affected.

What must I do so you would at least show some emotion,
just use anything to tell me you are actually upset,
and you actually still think or miss me.

But then again,
I think you don't miss me.

It's all in the end,
my wishful thinking.
Thinking you will come back to me.

I miss being hugged tightly by you.
I miss tickling you and having all those 'arm wrestling fights' with you.
I miss you scolding me never to jaywalk.

Oh, did I mention,
now whenever I see a traffic light,
your face pops out and I obediently wait for the green man before crossing.

But hey,
you are no longer there to see me do that.

I miss calling you a loser whenever you play FIFA 11.
I miss saying that your hair sucks.
I miss especially our first date, the macs lunch and the bubbles.

Whenever it comes to the night,
I start thinking a lot.
I start thinking about every 'whatever' I said which turned you off.
I slapped myself so hard,
regretting every time I said that word.
I cry cos I can't stand the loneliness.

Till now,
I can't believe you are gone.

And also,
you were the one who said,
"Even if we are not together anymore, I believe we will still be friends right?"
Then what is this now?
You don't talk.
You don't even ask how I am.

Well thanks for asking.
I am like fuck shit now.
I feel all crappy still.
Everyday I fake my smiles and my laughter.
Everyday I numb myself with work, even surprising my parents and friends.

Till now,
I still haven't tell my parents,
and I don't know why I haven't.

I cry only at night when I'm all alone, despite the fact that I'm already alone.
For the past few days I still drink.

No,
I'm not telling you all this for pity or what.
I just wanna tell you how I am now.
And all I want to know is how are you now.

No, not the 'like that lor', 'ok lor' kind of response.
The true inner feelings deep inside you.

Can you stop wearing a mask already?
Stop hiding how you feel.
Cos there are people,
at least I know I am one of them,
who really want to know how you feel and how you are right now.

You said I always brush you aside with my 'whatever'.
I'm sorry, cos I didn't know that is the time you want to tell me your troubles or problems.

If I'd the chance to turn back time,
I will totally force it out of you.

Being your girlfriend before,
everyday I think whether you have problems or not.
And to think you had so much you wouldn't tell me.
I still feel very fail till now.

I feel so awful I wish I will just sleep and never wake up.


Now I just feel so lost.
I just want to be back in your arms again.

Saturday, February 19, 2011 , 2:04 AM
Can we turn back time?


To be honest,
I don't ever want to forget everything about us.

I still see your face,
I still hear your voice.

What am I supposed to do?

, 2:00 AM
How do I get up from an all time low?


Praying won't do it
Hating won't do it
Drinking won't do it
Fighting won't knock you out
Of my head

Hiding won't hide it
Smiling won't hide it
Like I ain't tried it

Everyone's tried it now
And failed somehow

So when you gonna let me
When you gonna let me out - Out

And if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
Seems like peace is
The only thing I'll never know
How do you get up
Get up

‘Cos driving won't do it
Flying won't do it
Denying won't do it
Crying won't drown it out

What you said

When I'm standing on the yellow line
Waiting at the station
Or I'm late for work
A vital presentation
If you call me now girl
Without reservation
I would try to break through

But if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
It seems like peace is
The only thing I never know
How do you get up from an all time low
I can't even find a place to start
How do I choose between my head and heart
Till it ceases I never know
How do you get up from an all time low

A low, (repeat)
Can you hear me
A low (repeat)
Can't you hear me

And if you know…




Friday, February 18, 2011 , 11:16 PM
Boo you,Valentine's Day.


Read your blog,
and the next minute,
I cry like mad.

I am not your girlfriend just as a status know?

If you do have problems,
why won't you tell me?
I very much want to hear every single problem or sorrow when you do have it.
I also want to hear all those happy things that happened to you, and be happy for you.

I might not be able to solve all your problems,
but at least you can talk it out to me,
and somehow you will feel a bit better?
I will give you even more than an hour of my time lah.

I want to be there for you,
for any single reason.
But why won't you give me the chance to?

Yeah,
to be straightforward,
I want to be a part of your life.
So will you not shut me out?

And,
don't you dare tell me I won't understand.
If you never ever say it out,
how would I ever know.
I am not that dumb okay.
I mean in my IQ capability.

P.S (just to rant):
You can reply to your friend when he posted the reply on your blog.
Then what about me?
And when I wish you Happy V Day, you don't wish me back?
No, correction, I have to wish you before you do.
Argh, nevermind, this is not the point.

I swear this Valentine's Day suck so bad.
Not being able to see you tomorrow sucks already.
Having to ask you out on Thursday myself and not getting a reply from you sucks too.
Having to feel like I'm a really awful girlfriend whom you can't talk to when you have problems suck the worst.

And I constantly ask myself, how can I be a better girlfriend for you.
Cos I really want to be.

I know you have tests on Tuesday and Wednesday,
so I sucked it up and told myself I won't have a Valentine this year.
I told myself it will be okay.

I went out to find a Vday card and present.
I told myself as long as I am with you, everyday is Valentine's Day.
And I come home to see this.


Dear Norman Ngan Wei Qiang,
I, Joanne Tan Ting Yuan, really really really wish you will just open up to me.
Cos I care about you so fucking much.

There are so many people out here who care for you.
So will you stop pushing us aside and bottle all the problems up?
It's not healthy okay.

I am not angry with you.
(Okay maybe a little.)
I'm just really upset about this and myself.

Like I'm some dumb idiot you can't talk to.
I do not only want to be able to make you happy (I hope I do),
I also want to know when you are sad or angry or disappointed.

And please don't wear a mask,
and hide so well behind it.
Just thrash everything out,
it'd be so much better.

I so wanna talk to you so badly, but I can't.
Cos I don't dare and I'm afraid I'd disturb you studying for your tests.
Now, I just can't wait for your tests to be all, ALL, over.
Like seriously :/


It's Valentine's Day today.
Happy Valentine's Day baby <3

I love you, a lot.

And I miss you too ):

I hope you will make some time out for me after your tests.




(Ah fuck, I'm gonna go school tomorrow with swollen eyes. Fuck this.)

xoxo
Your girlfriend who loves you a lot and wishes you will stop depressing yourself.

Monday, February 14, 2011 , 1:53 AM
每 个 女 孩 其 实 一 样,


最 后 一 抹 的 微 笑

在 转 身 之 后

我 闭 上 眼 哭 了

仅 存 的 一 点 点 骄 傲

华 丽 的 外 表 终 于 丢 掉

很 彷 徨 很 孤 单

是 寂 寞 或 悲 惨

一 个 人 该 怎 么 办


*像 是 刺 猬 般 防 范

伪 装 得 勇 敢

不 轻 易 让 你 看 穿

我 以 为 可 以 很 坦 然

面 对 分 开 时 不 觉 得 伤 感

然 而 将 灯 关 上 一 片 无 声 黑 暗

心 痛 得 大 声 呼 喊

Chorus:
我 想 我 没 那 么 坚 强

每 个 女 孩 其 实 一 样

渴 望 著 爱 情 的 好

渴 望 被 拥 抱

却 都 害 怕 爱 让 人 受 伤

承 认 我 没 那 么 坚 强

不 过 是 一 而 再 的 逞 强

小 心 将 情 绪 收 藏

比 傻 瓜 还 傻

刺 猬 的 坚 强

全 都 是 假 象

哭 吧



):

Saturday, February 12, 2011 , 3:07 AM
是因為我愛你,


我從來都不說不 , 不是因為我願意....

是因為我愛你....

我從來都不生氣 , 不是因為我沒有脾氣...

是因為我愛你.....

我從來都不哭 , 不是因為我沒有眼淚....

是因為我.....愛你

原來真正愛一個人 , 真的要忍受很多 , 承受

很多.....

願每一個在愛情上失意的人 , 哭過就好了.

, 2:54 AM
(:


Baby visited my parents last Sunday.
Hahaha,
I wonder if he was even nervous lahh.

(I bet he didn't, ohwells.)

Hahaha Mummy asked him a lot of stuff.
And even said he look like Project Superstar Ang Junyang.
(OMG. Mummy, you blind is it?! You tell me which part of the face look like sial!)

Baby stayed till around 3plus.
Hahaha, I couldn't study around him.
And he made my wrists red and swollen ):
You mean ass!

But at least I attacked him back (:
HAHAHAHA!


I'm glad Mummy and Daddy (seems to) have a good impression on him (:


xoxo
Tingyuan!

Monday, February 7, 2011 , 10:54 PM
Driven crazy,



I hate eating vinegar.
We need to talk soon.


xoxo

Sunday, February 6, 2011 , 4:27 AM
Super Junior Saranghae~
30/11/2011
SUPERSHOW 3!

Awesome shit lah!
12 hot guys on one stage.
I pretty much miss the other 3 too (Kang-In, Hangeng!, KIBUM!) ):

13 as a band, 15 as a family! <3
Super Junior hwaiting!

Shall upload peeektures soon!
:D

Having attended Suju concert, now I'm left with Beast and SHINee and Big Bang and Justin Bieber concerts to go to.
After all this, I will die in peace.
(Okay, I shall aim to go all these before 2012!)


xoxo
SJ ELF FOREVERSXZ!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011 , 1:26 AM