It's hols now.
Mmmm,
nothing exciting.
No overseas trips, bleah ):
So lots of stuff happened.
And I don't really remember the dates.
I apologise to have stopped blogging for a while.
Lazy uh.
(:
So yeah,
1.My group won the Community Chest presentation. 200 bucks worth of book vouchers,
mmm and certificates and testimonials.
Ok I decided I will go Uni!
2.Went to National Museum for MCA. Went to an awesome cafe near Plaza Sing. Nice Choc Praffine and Banana Pie :D
3.CASS Idol was depressing. Thinking about it now still brings back tears. Sighs. I love you Adli, yeah whatever you are hotsxzsxz.
4.Celebrated Lydia&Gabriel's brithdays in a way. Had buffet at Sakura with them and Mummy and Aunt. Awesome day (:
5.Did prayers for Ah Zhor (Mum's grandma). And a white butterfly was hovering around me and my makeup and my room for 2 days. Mum was sure it was Ah Zhor. Praying to her reminds me of Ahma. Oh shit. Someone please help me pull the brakes of my tear ducts.
6.Louisa had her transplant done. I'm so so so glad she pulled through it. Babe, rest well! I will still keep you in my prayers (: And we will go see Chao Ah Beng together when school reopens!
7.I know I'm slow but Mama and I are chasing Moonlight Resonance now. So every afternoon, there is an excuse for me to be crying, angry and cursing! It's really nice, I wish the devils will go down soooon!
I'm going CHIJ St Nicholas' Girls School tomorrow.
Really excited,
but I don't know what to wear :/
I want to see TSK, Chuang Na Mei, Seth Tan!!!
And there are some people I don't wanna see (don't ask who.)
I love SN with my whole heart.
It is the school which saw me through my happy, sad, angry, painful, jealous and crazy times.
It is the school which saw me through 2 home runaways and multiple suicides.
It is the school which saw a foolish me threw coconuts on my leg to escape from CCA.
It is the school which allowed me to change CCA.
It is the school which made me met them, my girlfriends.
It is the school which made me feel& don't feel like studying all the time.
I treasure my times, my friends, my teachers there.
They are diamonds, they are precious.
They are one in a million.
I love you SNGS.
True Blue' 09!
Sooooo,
I have been trying to study.
Damn,
can anyone understand why I hate work ):
Photoshop is driving me nuts.
Only 3 days left ):
Bleah.
Why did my heart skip a beat when we decided to meet up?
:0
XOXO
Went out with my bitches yesterday.
Had a lot of fun.
Like the old times.
I miss them a great deal ):
They always light up my life whenever we meet.
SN TRUE BLUESXZ <3
Ah Gong's birthday was yesterday.
And I feel bad,
'cos I don't know how old he is now :/
Blahhhh.
This feeling sucks.
I saw 'him' yesterday.
OMG I think he literally see me grew up la.
Like since I was a freakin kiddish girl to now.
I won't call this incest, I think.
He is supposedly my uncle LOL.
He just looks nice to look at, yeah.
I felt apprehensive as my footsteps drew me closer to Ah Gong house actually.
I kept on thinking,
how will they look at me.
What will they think of me.
What will they say again.
Will they be satisfied with whatever I wear, I look, I do.
I just kept on worrying, till I almost turned back.
I'm supposed to be a strong girl,
someone who is confident of what I do,
but what happened to me man.
But images of Ahma kept on flashing back.
We never ever know what happens the next day,
so I told myself I want to celebrate Ah Gong's birthday with him.
I walked in, and first person I saw was Mum.
Was kind of late,
so she suaned me by saying,
"Are you here to wash the dishes?"
Wtheck.
Saw 'him',
then sat down with cousins to eat.
Was eating when the whole scrutinising test came.
"Oh you finally did your eyebrows. Thank God!"
"See, told you to do your eyebrows, you look better now."
I knew this was coming,
so i forced a smile and went,
"Yeah, yesterday I spent 15dollars to do one, to prevent myself from getting suaned by you all."
That was direct, but fuck I can't be bothered.
Then they continued on.
"But your dressing ah....."
"The top part of the body is good, but the bottom of the body is wahhhh...."
"Can you do something with your dressing?"
"You like flowers alot hor, but the flowers arh...."
"The flowers should be a lighter colour..."
"You should wear something brighter, since you so dark...."
I listened, and took it all with a pinch of salt.
I wanted to just stand up and run away,
but I can't.
That'd be rude,
and my mum would kill me.
But wtf,
everyone has their own style.
You told me all this shit everytime we meet.
The last would be Kimberly's birthday.
Guess what,
even your mum told me not to listen to you.
She said,
"Everyone has their own style. Don't listen to him."
What has my dressing got to do with you.
Does it irk you?
If it does, I can don't appear in front of you.
Which is even better for me.
I don't see you going around to tell others.
Oh,
and you are gonna say 'cos they dress their age.
Have you seen what the rest of the world are wearing?
Have you seen other teens,
other than your wife's niece.
You do realise your wife's niece ain't the only friggin' teenager around right.
And why not show a good example.
Cos the only thing I ever see you and your wife wear is jersey after jersey.
Jersey is cool,
why not one day I wear with you two,
maybe you two will finally shut the fuck up.
The worst part is,
"You go to my Facebook see my niece, you learn from her, see how she wear..."
Then,
she showed me pics of her niece.
In floral dress, in pink dress with a white belt.
"You know my niece, is the one that whatever she wears, the whole world follows one."
"Like people from other school will know her, and wear what she wears."
"She very chio one leh, attached already."
And I asked,
"Oh, does she do Lady Gaga ones huh?"
And she could still reply,
"No I don't think so."
Noob.
Firstly,
wtf,
if your niece is so so so influential,
why haven't I heard of her.
Okay I did,
'cos you kept on talking about how good she is.
Why haven't my school people heard of her.
Why haven't my parents heard of her.
Why haven't Obama heard of her.
I saw all those pics,
and omg.
No way will I ever wear those stuff.
Rags and stuff.
No thanks.
And you had to say she is chio and attached.
Why the hell do I need those info.
FYI,
if she is chio,
then Shuxiang, Tricia, Jomain, Yingqi, Jolene are super duper uber chio mansxzsxz.
(but then again, they are very chiosxsxz)
Like seriously,
do you have a god damn problem that you keep comparing me with her.
And the worse thing is,
we are both at extreme ends.
Like she is awesome and I'm not.
Like she is a cheerleader and I'm a benchwarmer.
I can prove to you I'm awesome too.
Cos I am.
But to be compared to that girl,
I feel insulted.
How would you feel if I compare my kid to yours next time in the future.
People have feelings.
I have feelings.
I can be laughing and smiling my way out of it, but it hurts fucking lot inside.
Yknow,
the meanest thing I can ever say is,
you are not even married into the family yet.
What gives you the right to criticise me and speak ill of me just like that.
I wasn't adopted to this family to be an entertainment purpose for you two know.
You better show me some respect okay.
Have I stepped onto your toes,
showed you disrespect,
did mean evil stuff to you two?
No right.
Then?!
What the fuck are you two doing.
Fuck,
why is my life so damn fucked up.
It has been a day and I'm still pissed about it.
I am crying as I am typing this post.
Fuck.
Yes, my heart hurts,
but do you two give a damn.
You all just continue on and on with the criticism, with the bullying, with the you-are-so-not-good talk.
Then,
when we get home,
when I go online,
you act nice and tell me I look pretty today,
and whether I took pictures.
And when I upload pictures,
you tell me this picture is nice, and whatever.
I can't be bothered talking to you.
I didn't have the heart and soul and energy to.
Thanks to you two.
I can't fucking care if you two find my blog, read this and find me mean,
'cos this is my blog,
and I need a space to rant.
It's on world wide web, so?
Who gives a damn.
Ahma,
did you see what they did to me?
Did you hear what they say?
Did you know how strong I had to be when all this shit came down on me?
Were you there with me?
Did you try to get them to stop?
Ahma,
I need your loving hands to hug me,
and tell me to hush and stop crying,
'cos you will always be here for me and protect me.
Ahma,
I miss you.
They weren't like that when you were around.
Where are you Ahma? ):
I'm listening to Yen-J's songs now.
Really awesome!
You all should go listen toooo!
My favourite is 'wo xi huan (bu, wo ai)'!
I shall go sleep now,
and forget all the shit.
Nights, world.
XOXO
Joanne!
