I still see what you tweet.
I still see what you Facebook.
I still see what you blog.
This is so totally not gonna help me get over you.
Well yeah,
duhh I still care.
I mean,
3 months plus of feelings.
And now I'm regretting.
I should have just waited for you to talk to me about the breakup on Wednesday noon.
I think I pretty much don't mind crying like fuck in school since at least I still will be able to get to see you.
Having you to say it on MSN,
now I no longer see you.
Tingyuan, way to go man.
Now, go drown in your own self-misery.
Go drink till you die.
Go cut till your blood run dry.
No one's ever gonna care about you.
You are now alone.
HAHAHAHA IN YOUR FACE TAN TINGYUAN!
I feel like a loser,
but I wanna say I miss you.
Even though I know you don't,
please still do remember the happy times we had together.
Norman,
I love you.
Thank you for everything.
/When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie.
So yeah.
I broke up with Norman.
15th Februry 2011.
I hate 15 Febs.
People always leave me on this day.
My Ahma, and then you.
Maybe even Blacky.
Looking through the MSN conversation again and again.
I'm speechless.
Maybe it's really my fault that I kept on using the word 'whatever'.
But,
I have always been saying it,
and to be truthful,
for you,
I had already tried to curb myself from using that word.
But yeah.
And you said I can't make up my mind.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't make up my mind whenever you asked me what I want for dinner.
I'm sorry.
I always wanted a man to help me make the choice.
So yeah.
I didn't know you had made up your mind throughout CNY to break up with me.
So throughout a festive season,
you could only think of breaking up?
I think it's time to rant.
You said you aren't the sweetest, romantic or (iforgotwhatyousay) boyfriend.
Yeah.
I totally could understand when you couldn't spend Xmas, New Year or even our 3rd month with me.
You had to study since it was the final lap.
I was really lonely and I missed you so bad.
Went out during festive seasons and seeing happy couples together just made me jealous.
But I told myself I had to understand you and endure.
And I kept on doing that,
till I was pretty numb to it.
And I had to ask you all the time whether we could meet or not.
Throughout this whole r/s, you've only asked me out 3 times.
No, I'm not complaining or what.
I just felt like some superglue and everyday I wished that you would open your mouth and ask me first.
But I'm thankful for the times you walked me home after school.
And sometimes even helping me to carry my bag.
I really appreciated it (:
I was really proud and happy to have been able to call you mine for 3plus months.
It was just one more week to our 4th month.
I don't know what to think right now.
It's just you, you and you in my mind.
All those stuff we did,
all the places we went.
Walking back home everyday just kills.
Every part of the road,
I will remember every single detail of what we did.
And I cry when I reach that certain spot.
That spot when we first kissed.
And I bet you are just happily living your life right now.
Cos from what I see,
you ain't even affected.
What must I do so you would at least show some emotion,
just use anything to tell me you are actually upset,
and you actually still think or miss me.
But then again,
I think you don't miss me.
It's all in the end,
my wishful thinking.
Thinking you will come back to me.
I miss being hugged tightly by you.
I miss tickling you and having all those 'arm wrestling fights' with you.
I miss you scolding me never to jaywalk.
Oh, did I mention,
now whenever I see a traffic light,
your face pops out and I obediently wait for the green man before crossing.
But hey,
you are no longer there to see me do that.
I miss calling you a loser whenever you play FIFA 11.
I miss saying that your hair sucks.
I miss especially our first date, the macs lunch and the bubbles.
Whenever it comes to the night,
I start thinking a lot.
I start thinking about every 'whatever' I said which turned you off.
I slapped myself so hard,
regretting every time I said that word.
I cry cos I can't stand the loneliness.
Till now,
I can't believe you are gone.
And also,
you were the one who said,
"Even if we are not together anymore, I believe we will still be friends right?"
Then what is this now?
You don't talk.
You don't even ask how I am.
Well thanks for asking.
I am like fuck shit now.
I feel all crappy still.
Everyday I fake my smiles and my laughter.
Everyday I numb myself with work, even surprising my parents and friends.
Till now,
I still haven't tell my parents,
and I don't know why I haven't.
I cry only at night when I'm all alone, despite the fact that I'm already alone.
For the past few days I still drink.
No,
I'm not telling you all this for pity or what.
I just wanna tell you how I am now.
And all I want to know is how are you now.
No, not the 'like that lor', 'ok lor' kind of response.
The true inner feelings deep inside you.
Can you stop wearing a mask already?
Stop hiding how you feel.
Cos there are people,
at least I know I am one of them,
who really want to know how you feel and how you are right now.
You said I always brush you aside with my 'whatever'.
I'm sorry, cos I didn't know that is the time you want to tell me your troubles or problems.
If I'd the chance to turn back time,
I will totally force it out of you.
Being your girlfriend before,
everyday I think whether you have problems or not.
And to think you had so much you wouldn't tell me.
I still feel very fail till now.
I feel so awful I wish I will just sleep and never wake up.
Now I just feel so lost.
I just want to be back in your arms again.
